Responding to feedback

It was Sunday the day we were all going to Cameron's Market. It took thirty minutes  or more to get to Cameron's market day but it was worth it. I thought this was going to be the perfect day.

While we were at Cameron's market I will looked for a school bag and a skipping rope with a flower pattern on it.

There were a lot of people especially artists and people with skills. As I walked around the market I heard lots of different noises. There was a lot of talking and laughing. My heart was beating fast. The market made me feel good.

I found some things I liked. I got some new toys, one bag with a flower pattern on it and one skipping rope. I heard lots of people. While I was getting my new things I could smell the sausage sizzle. This made be I feel happy.

The Perfect Day

I am learning to make my writing more interesting for the reader.

I know I will be able to do this when I add more detail, interesting words and include what I see, hear, smell and feel.

The Perfect Day

It was Sunday the day we were going to Cameron's Market. This was going to be the perfect day.

When we were at Cameron's market I will look for a school bag and a skipping rope with a flower pattern on it.

It took thirty minutes or more to get to Cameron's market day but it was worth it.

There were a lot of people especially artists and people with skills. My heart was beating. the market felt good. I heard lots of different noises.

I got some new toys and one bag with a flower pattern on it and one skipping rope. I heard lots of people. I heard them talking and laughing. I could smell the sausage sizzle. I felt happy.

Thirsty